Which Doesn't Belong and Why?

Published on by D. G. Hart

Warning: really, really shameless self-promotion.

Bernard McGuirk, the executive producer of Imus in the Morning, did (and may still do) a bit in which he played Cardinal Egan and would ridicule Don Imus up one side and down the other in a thick Irish accent. His barbs were far more abusive than anything the host said about the women’s basketball players at Rutgers University.

One part of Cardinal Egan’s shtick was the game, “which doesn’t belong and why.” He would name three people, objects, teams or songs, and then ask Imus to identify the odd one out. Imus was always wrong because Egan had a witty and sometimes degrading reason for which one actually did not belong.

In the spirit of a show I used to listen to before Imus got fired and is no longer syndicated, I post the series of events scheduled at Eerdmans this summer to mark the publisher’s 100th anniversary. I am honored and do not feel worthy of this company, so I have my own answer to the question, “which doesn’t belong and why.” But I invite readers to submit their own answers. The winner (the funniest) will receive a copy of the book.

P.S. Apologies to Nick Wolterstorff for not posting this in time for his lecture last week.

77 thoughts on “Which Doesn't Belong and Why?”

  2. Wolterstorff is clearly the one who does not belong, because he has more than four letters in his last name.

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  3. Jason and Brian, you’re being way too tame. Bernard is pretty brutal in these bits. DGH, are you allowing people to channel Bernard? Are you basically volunteering to do a stint in the dunk tank?

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  6. “Michael Mann”:

    I’m an Ohio State alum, so I can’t think of an insult worse than calling someone a Michigander. I guess my answer different from Bernard in that sense; the one that doesn’t belong gets a pass.

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  8. Ah, I understand Jason.
    Well, as long as we’re getting into a Big Ten rumble, how’s that Tressel fella workin’ out for ya?
    – Iowa alum

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  9. The Google map doesn’t belong because it’s not created in the image and likeness of God. Oh wait, that’s a map of Little Geneva, and everyone knows that non-imago Dei creation is just as much the target of redemption as imago Dei creation. So I guess Noll’s doesn’t belong since it contains a graven image at OldLife.

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  10. Jason, “Michiganian” is worse than “Michigander.” But “Fudgie” is what we northern lowers call downstaters and “Yooper” is like the F-word (“only I didn’t say fudge!”).

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  11. Plus you are a Neanderthal Two-Kingdomite who would take the Christian transformation out of cultural endeavors and if adhered to by too many may cause a lot of ruffled feathers in the conservative Christian empires in America. I am pretty sure, but not certain, that Noll and Wolterstorff would not agree with you in this regard either.

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  12. “MM”:

    If we’re going to Big Ten rumble, I’d say Tressel is workin’ out for us about as well as that Iowa workout routine!
    – six-time defending Big Ten champion Ohio State alum (but let’s not discuss the possibility of vacating last season)

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  13. I don’t think Dr. Hart’s book belongs. It’s that side profile. He looks like he is staring into the wind, trying to dry his teeth.

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  14. Let’s see….

    It could be Wolterstorff, because he’s resting his head on his hand, while the other two are ‘looking on,’ as they say. The graven image with Noll is a ‘natch. After all, isn’t the Reformation over? It could be Noll, though, since he’s the only one in his picture who is clearly “optically challenged.” But, as reason would have it (within the bounds of religion, of course) it’s obviously dgh because he’s looking out the window & smiling, and yet, he’s in Michigan. Clearly, he’s come unhinged.

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  15. “- six-time defending Big Ten champion.”
    Well, yeah, professionals do tend to beat amateurs.
    Can I win a book for insulting Ohio State?

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  16. It’s gotta be Wolterstoff, the hands resting on the chin seems like the pose many girls used in their senior pictures in high school. I think I even saw some of the same poses in Napoleon Dynamite.

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  17. My wife is looking askance at my book budget, so I have to give it a try:

    WHICH DOESN’T BELONG AND WHY?!
    Which doesn’t belong and why?!

    a) Wolterstorff
    b) Noll
    c) Hart

    If you weren’t dumb as a cinderblock you’d know it was Hart. The first two are PRIMEtime but Hart can’t make ImPRIMus.

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  20. I’m not done Yeazel, you Lutheran Lilliputian.

    The answer is “Hart”

    – the first two move the agenda forward. Hart moves it backward.

    – the first two think Baylys is a liqueur.

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  21. MM, I think you’re in the lead simply by know the Cardinal Egan reference (and then hurling an insult on top of it). I need to keep this clean for the sake of a PG blog. But in your (my) face is good.

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  22. Clearly it is Hart, looking through his kitchen window at the American flag hanging on the backyard fence and thinking, “That would make a fine cover for my new book.”

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  24. Jason, but Noll did study at Iowa. Doesn’t that make him Big Eleven challenged? (Why can’t these mid-western state universities count after admitting PSU?)

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  25. Fair enough, especially since I’m being goaded by a Hawkeye in the comments.

    Alright, in the spirit of “all about me,” I’m bringing in the big guns of sentimentalism in an effort to win the book.

    Hart doesn’t belong, because he’s the only one who has participated as a RE in the baptism of one of my children (insert puppy dog eyes here).

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  26. Hmmmm….. according to a Web search there are some interesting similarities, yet differences between these three characters. For one thing, it appears that both Hart and Noll spent some time on faculty at Wheaton, unlike Wolterstorff. Noll is on the faculty at a Roman Catholic University, something neither of the other gents would probably consider. Noll also signed the original ECT (yikes!), something that sets him apart (maybe) from the others.

    Most importantly, though, is that Hart presumably grew up in a town that had MLB National League team (and therefore remains a fan); Hard to say about Wolterstorff (if he even knows what baseball is) since he grew up where the evil Minnesota Twinkies play; and you never know about someone like Noll who could have allegiance to either one of the Chicago teams or the evil Detroit Tigers.

    So I’d say process of elimination leaves Noll out in the cold.

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  27. Properly re-edited for effect (not having any exposure to the esteemed Cardinal Egan, I’m at a certain disadvantage, so I’m going by dgh’s description in the OP). MM’s got me on th’ ropes with his inside baseball advantage.

    “Let’s see….

    It could be Wolterstorff, because he’s resting his head on his hand, while the other two are ‘looking on,’ as they say. The graven image with Noll is a ‘natch. After all, isn’t the Reformation over? It could be Noll, though, since he’s the only four-eyes in the bunch” But, as reason would have it (within the bounds of religion, of course) it’s obviously dgh because he’s looking out the window & smiling, and yet, he’s in Michigan. Clearly, he’s a sack o’ hammers fer brains, even IF these other clowns think Bayly’s just Barnum’s sucker business partner.”

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  28. MM,

    Lutheran Lilliputian? What’s up with that? I was going to go the nappy-headed Wolterstorff route but I have been vulgar enough already. I concede if you win MM- even if you have to pretend to be “MM” You’re probably just some low-life lawyer anyways but Darryl is prone to give you dings- he is not going to be objective in his judgment in regards to who gets the book. My last attempt in full with a couple modifications:

    Hart stinks up the series worse than Don Imus’ ranch and is not in the same league as Noll and Wolterstorff- what does one expect from an illogical and non-philosophical confessionalist who is a Neanderthal Two-Kingdomite to boot- the reformation is over and Christians need to usher in the Kingdom in the culture through pursuing justice in all their affairs. Limiting the kingdom to the Church will bring disaster upon the Church. That was lame but I give up!!

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  29. MM,

    I did catch that Paul reference- I believe I accused you of agreeing with Paul in a post awhile back. I do not remember seeing Cardinal Egan on the Don Imus show (which I used to watch fairly regularly) so I could’nt fit anything by or about him in my quip.

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  30. I always got a kick out of watching the McEnroe brothers on Imus in the morning. The Imus and McEnroe families used to get together quite often from what they said on the show. I would have liked to be a fly on the wall in some of those gatherings.

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  31. Jaundice-yellow Yeazel, your post is so lifeless it’s going to need those funeral supplies you make, bejeebus. You’ve tried to win two ways, why don’t you try a third way? Oh, that’s right, you don’t have a third way, do you?

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  32. The answer must be Noll since according to Amazon, customers who preordered his book also bought books by John Piper. But those who preordered the others also bought books by NT Wright. In fact, for DG’s new tome as of 12:50 pm cdt, customers ONLY bought books by Wright. Does that count as a face jab?

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  33. Hart owns a category to himself, and must remain unalloyed and free from admixture. His inclusion on any list, self serving aside, only dilutes and obscures the glory of his meticulously groomed contrarian image.

    I have also personally witnessed DGH consume a box lunch, so I have first hand knowledge that he physically exists. I have never seen the others, and for all I know they may be cyberspace phantoms. They probably wouldn’t be seen eating a box lunch anyway.

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  37. Jeff, are you trying to confuse me, enlighten me or just make light of the whole MM mystery? BTW, I nominate you as the winner of the book- I think that was the most humorous post.

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  39. Nope. Buildings skip the 13th floor and Lutherans can’t have five points. You can’t plant tulips either.

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  40. Make light. Because I live in the science ghetto, I immediately thought of Michael Mann the climatologist when I saw MM’s name. I didn’t even know there was a Michael Mann the director until I saw that he outranks the climatologist on Google.

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  41. We gladly refrain from any doctrinal discussion of TULIPS so we have to tip-toe through the tulips when in dialog with Calvinists. I kind of like tulips in the gardening sense so I will plant them if I want.

    According to Randall van der Sterran, over at the Outhouse, you should treat us Lutherans like the plague. I fail to see that much of a significant difference in distinguishing between objective and subjective atonement and how the Calvinists frame the doctrine in order to “make sense” of limited atonement. I kind of like the Calvinists I know too so I will continue my dialog with them regardless.

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  43. Jeff, I can’t decide which is worse: being ignorant of Michael Mann the director or being a cat person. But, Darryl, maybe you could go by more gospel than law here and dole out the freebie to someone who simply asks. You know, you without money, come and buy without price and all that?

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  45. Zrim: But, Darryl, maybe you could go by more gospel than law here and dole out the freebie to someone who simply asks.

    Wouldn’t that be confusing the spheres? You should only apply gospel principles to Christian religious books.

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  46. Civilized, principled conversation can be chafing; this has been fun. Yeazel, you’re a good sport.

    DGH, normally I am not an autograph kind of guy, but an autographed half book would be hilarious. Give me the first half because I really won. Give Yeazel the rear end for obvious reasons.

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  47. Bill beat me to it again (like he did on the reformation is over bit)- I was going to suggest you give the book to MM in order not to deface the value of the book but with the not so secret intent that you would end up giving the book to me. MM continues to be delusional and won’t come out of his fantasy world- like he really won. You know what comes out of a rear end- right at you MM.

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  48. Jeff, fair point. But if law should rule this decision then I would suggest that maybe those OldLifers who have earned banishment at the Bayly Blog (like DGH himself) be considered. I know of only one other, and that’s me.

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  49. Uncle Nick. His is the only book that has already been released, and is available on Amazon.

    Dirty Darryl. His is the only book that has a gushing blurb from Michael Cromartie. (http://eerdmans.com/shop/product.asp?p_key=9780802866288&i=2)

    Mark A. “Grassy” Noll. He has the best blurb from a former President: “Finally, someone has described why Jesus is my favorite philosopher.”
    (http://eerdmans.com/shop/product.asp?p_key=9780802866370)

    Did the Eerdman’s bookstore move? That doesn’t seem like the same location I remember.

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  50. Re: Lutheran Lilliputian & TULIPS

    Now thou hast traveled beyond the pale into the nether lands with thy foul derision. Prepare thyself to die on the goads of Eerdman’s. Trade establishments dost not author fair writ. Nor dost the wise soul procurest his treasures therein for Amazon maketh a better steward by far. ;P

    P.S. Lutherans eschew tulips, too. ;P

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  52. I was having fun with Michael Mann’s comments. His comment about Lutheran Lilliputian and planting tulips got me laughing so hard I couldn’t stop. I goobered in my comment because I was laughing too much, but Lutherans plant roses not tulips – ya know?

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  53. Thou art neither rose nor tulip, but Lily springing from earth. Yet still thorns I fear so I give thee wide berth.

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  56. MM,

    I took your advice and started watching Game of Thrones- but I have found that I like Treme better. I have always gotten a kick out of Steve Zahn. I hope your mini-series Lucky will be better than Game of Thrones. And I am looking forward to the Underlying Poser episode.

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  57. Jeff, I once expressed a critical opinion about Bayly’s “Sermon to a President” on my own blog, or somewhere else, I can’t recall now, but it wasn’t actually at the BB since it had always been obvious to me that the BB was more a screamfest. At one point later I joined a separate-but-related BB discussion but wasn’t, shall we say, adding to the echo chamber but voicing some dissent. So someone dug up my previous opinion about the “sermon.” I was told that until I apologized for being critical of the “sermon” I wasn’t welcome at the BB. The choice was obvious. I believe the part of my opinion that bothered was that I suggested the “sermon” was a thinly veiled affirmation of violence against those who don’t share the Bayly’s political conclusions on the a-word.

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  63. I am the rose of Sharon and the lily of the valleys.

    As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters.

    (Song of Solomon 2:1-2)

    Hmm… doesn’t sound scary to me. 😉

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  67. I’m coming late, but strong: DGH doesn’t belong inasmuch as he’s the only one who works for an institution whose pitchman is Rush Limbaugh.

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  69. And the Winner Is . . .

    Michael Mann for attempting some trash talk in a somewhat clean environment. But especially impressive is his knowledge of Imus In the Morning.

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  72. Yeazel, I don’t blame you for coveting like a curled snake, mindlessly striking at anything that moves. But I acknowledge my debt to you; without you I would not have been driven to trash-talk as sharply as I did. So, to memorialize your role, I will take a sheet of paper from my printer, tear off a piece, write your name on it, and use it as a bookmark. That way I will always be thankful that I, and not you, am reading a free book.

    So you inspire me to be thankful. Hope that helps.

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  74. Thanks, Zrim. As I say, “resentment is the highest compliment.”

    Truth be told, I was surprised you were somewhat of a no-show on this one. Whereas I had a lot of rust on my trash talk, I thought your debates with Paul would have your dagger razor-sharp.

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  75. Instead of no-show, I prefer to think of it as passive-aggressive, which apprently doesn’t get much love even amongst the brethren. I’m used to it though. But you soak up all that glory, I’m more of a cross guy.

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  76. MM, The problem is you can still hide behind your fictitious identity- you better be grateful that your knee caps will “probably” stay intact. Your bit of inspiration may inspire me yet though. I hope no one is taking what I have been saying seriously- you always have to make that qualifier these days. You never know who may read these things or what kind of reaction they may have. Unlike MM, I have my whole life exposed on facebook.

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  77. When I try to do passive-agressive, it just comes off as verbal sleight-of-hand; I give you the victor’s crown there.

    As far as “glory,” don’t think of it as my victory. Think of it as a victory for “Everymann.”

    The book can’t be revoked on acccount of a badd pun, can it?

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