Every man, whatever his actual qualities, is credited with and judged by certain general qualities that are supposed to appertain to his sex, particularly by women. Thus man the individual is related to Man the species, often to his damage and dismay. Consider my own case. I am by nature one of the most orderly of mortals. I have a placed for every article of my personal property, whether a Bible or a cocktail-shaker, an undershirt or an eye-dropper, and I always keep it where it belongs. I never drop cigar-ashes on the floor. I never upset a waste-basket. I am never late for trains. I never run short of collars. I never go out with a purple necktie on a blue shirt. I never fail to appear in time for dinner without telephoning or telegraphing. Yet the women who are cursed by God with the care of me maintain and cherish the fiction that I am an extremely careless and even hoggish fellow — that I have to be elaborately nursed, supervised and policed — that the slightest relaxation of vigilance over my everyday conduct would reduce me to a state of helplessness and chaos, with all my clothes mislaid, half my books in the ash-can, my mail unanswered, my face unshaven, and my office not unlike an I.W.W. headquarters after a raid by the Polizei. It is their firm theory that, unainded by superior suggestion, I’d wear one shirt six week, and a straw hat until Christmas. . . .
I note that many other men lie under the same benign espionage and misrepresentation — in fact, nearly all men. But it is my firm belief that very few men are really disorderly. The business of the world is managed by getting order into it, and the feeling for discipline thus engendered is carried over into domestic life. I know of very few men who ever drop ashes on the dining-room rug, or store their collars in their cigar-box, or put on brown socks with their dress-clothes, or forget to turn off the water after they have bathed, or neglect to keep dinner engagements — and most of these few, I am firmly convinced, do it because their women-folk expect it of them, because it would cause astonishment and dismay if they refrained. I myself, more than once, have deliberately hung my hat on an electrolier, or clomped over the parquetry with muddy shoes, or gone out in a snowstorm without an overcoat, or come down to dinner in a ragged collar, or filled my shirt-box with old copies of the Congressional Record, or upset a bottle of green ink, or used Old Dutch Cleanser for shaving, or put olives into Jack Rose cocktails, or gone without a haircut for three or four weeks, or dropped an expensive beer Seidel upon the hard concrete of my cellar floor in order to give a certain necessary color to the superstition of my oafishness. If I failed to do such things now and then I’d become unpopular, and very justly so, for nothing is more obnoxious than a human being who is always challenging and correcting the prevailing view of him. (“The Man and His Shadow,” Prejudices: Fourth Series)
Old Life 
Or as the popular cliche’ we had in the corporate world used to go, “It takes five ‘at-a-boy’s to make up for one ‘Awww @#$%&’ “
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DGH, does your wife read Old Life?
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MenM, No, but she likes Mencken.
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That’s why I have a lifetime’s worth of books, magazines, and newspapers stacked in the basement…and boxed up in the garage. Otherwise my wife would think I’m perfect. Now she has something to complain about for all our days together.
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Of course, some of us really are disorderly.
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Dear DG, Serious (?) questions: (1) H.L.Mencken said some good things about J.G.Machen, but did J.G. say ever anything good about H.L.? If so, no praise for H.L.’s Reformed or non-Reformed Theology, I think. (2) Do I have to enjoy smoking cigars and imbibing booze with my friends to be 100% Reformed? (3) Tell us more about your “women (PLURAL!) who are cursed by God with care” (of DGH). I have more to say but will do privately if and when you answer the personal note I sent you recently. Love, Old Bob
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Bob, Machen did not comment on Mencken as far as I know. Of course, cigars and hooch are not essential to being Reformed, though they are to being human. Odd that you want me to tell more about my women when you also think that people at OL should not comment so much on private matters.
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“cigars and hooch are not essential to being Reformed, though they are to being human.” – Nice.
Women? When did you join Romney’s church?
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Bob – Mencken, wrote that, not D.G.
I don’t think he was married so I would guess Mencken’s “women” were his mother, housekeeper, sister, etc. Maybe a girlfriend.
You are neck-and-neck with Richard for the role of Old Life Scold.
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To Darryl and all OLT guys (Any girls?) —— IMNSHO, I am 100% Reformed. But I guess I am not human! DG says cigars and hooch are essential for being human! Never smoked. (Have history and leftovers of asthma). Have been a mostly a teetotaler since the first of our 3 sons was born in 1954. This is not by conviction that every drop of spirits is evil. I didn’t want even beer in our refrig while telling our kids that it wasn’t good for them. They are very sucessful Dads of 16 of our 25 grandkids. Strongly Christian. Non smokers and teetotalers to the same extent I am. Didn’t hurt them a bit! And everyone I know believes they are human! Elaine and I are in the same boat, here, as our 4 kids and have 59.4 years of beautiful marriage behind us. I can’t believe, after ‘Mencken Day 2012’, that my buddy, Darryl, has fussed at me for being a bit autobiographical at times! Love, Old Bob. PS How did I get back into these public OLT battles?
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Erik Charter, there are so many holes in your 2 messages, I don’t have time to reply. I am already so sorry I broke my pledge of avoiding OLT scrapping! Read my and DG’s words again, OK? Thanks for trying. Old Bob
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Old Bob, you escaped alcohol addiction only to succumb to Old Life addiction. Be careful – you might even change your mind on a few things. Even Old Bobs can learn new tricks.
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This is unrelated to this post, but it made me think of Old Life. While “New Horizons” published a couple of 2K-ish articles recently, the PCA’s “ByFaith” has just run a very clear anti-2K piece.
http://byfaithonline.com/politics-why-christians-must-be-involved-2/
I have no great insight or comment to offer; just thought it was interesting and relevant to the spirit of DGH’s blog which we all enjoy so much.
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Neoz,
Thanks for the article. By faith is simply the ‘in-house’ PR arm for Keller and his ilk for a few years now.
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After a couple months of marriage, this piece is particularly cathartic.
As to an earlier question, the kimchi is nothing to write home about. The rest, though, is tasty.
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Many thanks Neoz, IMNSHO, By Faith, PCA, Richard Doster and Jacques Ellul (Why Christians must be involved) has it right. (Jesus’s Second great commandment) and implied correct definition of that ruined word (a la C.S.Lewis) “political”. Old Bob
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